MinJungKim.com Braindump v 6.0 Gah. I’m still doing this?

It’s Awful. Yes.

That some good people are being harassed, threatened, and have succumbed to fear – hopefully temporarily – and it’s just awful.

Totally miserably awful.

And while I think it’s important to be sensitive to these issues and very clearly aware of the nature of bullies, stalkers, and jerks (both online and off), it is also important to be quite clear that this is not the first time this has happened.

It’s just the first time it’s happened to someone that you know.

You see, I’ve known several other women (specifically Asian American women bloggers - Comabound, BadGrrl, C., A., J.,N, etc) who have had to pull down their blogs, shuttle from one domain to another, remain utterly anonymous, password protect their sites, or give up their online communities altogether. The list is longer than I’d like.

Why?
Oh yes, stalkers. Rape fantasies. Obsessed emails. Comment trolling.

Threatening notices. IM harassments. Flowers sent to your work office. Etc.

I’ve gotten them all too.

This is NOT NEW.

I was on campus at U of M when the landmark case of internet threats and stalking occured in 1995.

Remember Usenet? Yeah.

And what’s worse, since I’ve always been an open and direct person, I couldn’t really hide at all with my eponymous URL.

I mean, what *isn’t* uncomfortable about being pinged via email

“I saw you crossing the street at lunch today. You should wear shorter skirts so we can see your slanty snatch.”

Or more recently

“ Asians don’t belong in America, and their presence here is similar to the Boers of South Africa. …. And if the urine colored slitty eyed slopeheads won’t go peacefully, then the gooks should be put in concentration camps.”

(That statement particularly biting in light of Michelle “sell out my mama” Malkin attests that the Japanese Internment was justified and well, racial profiling is just fine and dandy)

And just so you know not all the harassment I’ve gotten is along racelines, there’s this that I got from a guy out of Seoul back in 2001.

“waterfllagoon: u give me erection now

waterfllagoon: my penis going up rub against thigh

waterfllagoon: penis now rub laptop

waterfllagoon: i like u

waterfllagoon: please be nice to me

waterfllagoon: i think of ur pictures i sent u

Mjkim1974: go away.

waterfllagoon: why

waterfllagoon: i on knees to u

Mjkim1974: Because you are totally creeping me out.

Mjkim1974: Go away.

waterfllagoon: i kiss lik ur toes

waterfllagoon: tie me up

waterfllagoon: lok me with no clothes in box from fri to mon”

Hell, I even get threats from lawyers out of Dallas because people have expressed displeasure in the comments of my site over Lash Extension products.

It’s not that different than the thuggery that Joey has received re: Movers.

So yeah. I’ve heard it all.

I’ve gotten hot under the collar about it. I’ve felt the need to sleep over at a friend’s house or have them stay over with me a few nights so I could vent and feel safe again. I’ve ranted. I’ve cried. And I’ve gotten over it.

You’d think it would be harder for me to do, having been a sexual assault victim (totally unrealted to any online person/event - and yes, that’ happens to 1/3 women you know too) and one that has suffered through weeks upon end of nightmares and insomnia, to take and tolerate these attacks.

But no.

I won’t succumb to fear. To laziness, yes. To other priorities IRL, yes. But to online fear? No. I absolutely refuse.

Now with all that in mind, doesn’t it seem radically weird that in this day and age we’re all making ourselves even *more* stalkable?

Locations via Dodgeball and Twitter. Events that may be hosted at your home via Upcoming or whatever.

There are folks I know who are rigorously private and those that are publicity mavens. I’m somewhere in between. Eponymous still (after all these years) and open. But more private with my thoughts and conscientious about using full names. I respect those that protect their children by ommitting all real names/photos of them and I also adore those individuals who feel lively and confident about sharing their families with their online communities. Of course there is balance and perspective,values and comfort levels.

But one thing that needs to be very clear - people say more awful things to you online than they ever would in person sitting next to you on the park bench. That is - and always will be, some degree of the culture of the internet - an environment where consequences are hard to enforce and identity can be cloaked.

But it’s not a reason to let fear paralyze or terrorize your life. Online - do the right things within your control. Delete comments. Notify your ISPs. Alert local authorities as necessary. SHAME the FARKING HELL OUT OF IDIOTS if need be. But don’t let it silence your voice.

And Ladies, if someone should say something awful to you in person, at that point - I think you’re perfectly justified to take off those lovely pointy shoes you have on and take it like a hammer to wap at that person’s head.

Keep fighting the good fight, MJ!

Sometimes I think we should be able to lobotomize still. Castration would probably just turn these freaks on.. but a good lobotomy goes a long way.

I’ve gotten my share of snarky emails and threats, but mostly they disappear in the face of an even colder, more rational email. The one scary time in my blogging career was when I wrote about the “danish cartoons” (I can’t spell the actual name of the newspaper). Apparently, print media in Saudi Arabia picked it up and cited me as the editor, and claimed I had died in an apartment fire. Then, a Pakistani Times published something correcting the original article, which is how I heard about the whole thing…

“I won’t succumb to fear. To laziness, yes. To other priorities IRL, yes. But to online fear? No. I absolutely refuse.”

Right on! I so agree.

No fear! Or…as you say, fear is there, and I’ve also cried and freaked and worried - but then ultimately refuse to be controlled by that fear. We might fear and justly so, but our actions will be fearless.

It’s like life on public streets. The more people on the street, the safer we all are.

Also, thanks for making the points about how race can tie into misogynist stalking and harassment. I was just thinking that it can also tie into people’s responses to the exposure of that harassment. And that didn’t occur to me at first, though I did consider my own level of privilege and how it helps me feel relatively safe.

[…] It’s Awful. Yes. by MJ (about harassment) […]

Ugh. You know, I’ve had a small share of online harassment — it was a race-motivated thing of a slightly different type — but you sure connected the dots for me. One of my favorite foreign bloggers here in Korea is a Korean-American woman whose site is where I’ve seen some of the nastiest trolling of any foreign blogger in Korea.

As someone else with an eponymous URL, I salute you. Easily-won anonymity is the first step to breeding a society of total jerks. We’re better than those who hide for the sake of impunity, and behave like monsters. Good on you. (And thanks for linking about Kathy’s recent horror story. I like her site but haven’t visited in ages.)

[…] You’re clueless if you don’t think misogyny, racism, homophobia amps up this discussion.  Yes, we’ve all been bullied.  Yes, I know high school was tough.  But racism, misogyny and homophobia have institutional legacies and leverage, have much more powerful histories, and are powerfully etched into our personalities.  George and I can put our photos up next to blog posts and know that no one is going to discount us via sexual objectification over our content.  They may think we’re morons, but at least we don’t have that battle.  Instead, look at what a brain like MJ Kim has to put up with.  Another well-known tech CEO and leader I know basically stopped putting herself out there after an intense flaming.  Don’t overlook the impact of these things — they run deeper and thus our work has to be that much more ongoing and thorough. […]

When I saw everything come up the other day, I could not help but shake my head and think, “Not again…” But like you said, I know it will just keep on happening. It is so sad. *sigh*

Thank you, as always, for sharing your fabulous insight on it all.

Thank you everyone for your feedback and kindness on this. *smooches* Christine!
Miss you like mad.

[…] As Min Jung so eloquently put, it is AWFUL, yes, but it is sadly NOT new. […]

Right on, MJ.

I’m still shaking my head at all this. I probably always will. The dark, disturbed behavior of people never fails to astound me. And you’re right — not the first, nor the last time (sadly). And thank you for keeping on fighting the good fight. It takes strength to fight for what is right and good.

[…] MinJungKim.com - Braindump v 5.0 » It’s Awful. Yes. One of the best posts I have read yet on the whole Kathy Sierra attack - this is the biggest issue that most people have missed so far - unfortunately, it happens all the time (tags: stopcyberbullying mjkim solidarity netculture) […]

Just found your blog as I have been really appalled by the tone of the comments about the Kathy Sierra case by other bloggers. It seems to be that they miss the point, and I am afraid to say that it does seem to be a male thing (and apologies for all those men out there who do not think the same)
The point seems to be that if someone chose to write sexually threatening, porn0graphically obscene rhetoric and posted them in the mail as opposed to posting them on a blog, they would have been deemed to be utterly illegal, but not so online.
The idea that Kathy should laugh it off, or “lob back” through comments on her blog amazes me. Why can’t we as a blogging comunity agree that this is simply unacceptable.
Interesting that Sir Martin Sorrell actually took a blogger to court last week for sexually questionable comments posted about him.
Anyway, enjoyed reading your blog!

MJ:
Bravo. Excellent personal analysis of this situation. Thank you for being honest and generous by sharing your thoughts with the rest of us.