In General on
21 November 2008 tagged 1664 10th ave, craigslist, inner richmond, landlady, landlord, rant, richmond, xiu yip with 3 comments
Attn Mrs. Yip,
As a former resident at 1664 10th ave, San Francisco, I need to take a moment to express my extreme frustration with the recent news that I’ve received in regard to my Security Deposit.
The apartment itself was fine, nice even.
Despite the fact that it was originally advertised as a 4 bedroom place where in fact it was a 3 bedroom apartment where the previous residents had put a mattress in the dining room and you felt fit to misadvertise this on Craigslist.
And that despite the fact that there were 4-5 parking spots for the building and not a single one could be made available for our apartment. Not even for additional payment.
And that our street address made us exempt from qualifying for a J parking permit in the neighborhood, thereby requiring us to move our car every 2 hours. Another detail that was omitted in the Apt description.
And that the move-in quality of cleanliness for the apartment was abysmal with rotting food, mildew, and mold in the fridge and stinky gray residue on the bathtubs and when we brought it up it was promptly dismissed.
And it was fine that no utilites were included with the apartment and we had to acquire our own account for Garbage where you chose to bogart our recycling bin for several weeks in a row so that we couldn’t use our own garbage. And that you also left open bins of rotting garbage (not even enclosed in garbage bags) in the front foyer of the building, on the front door steps, or again in our garbage bin. Thus making it miserable to do laundry in the garage with the stench of rotting garbage poisoning the air.
And that in a moment of miscommunication you accepted double payment for water bill from both my husband and I and never mentioned it or returned payment.
And those 3 AM screaming fights you were having with your daughter above our bedroom? No big deal. Not my business.
Or even the fact that you tried to raise our rent $800 when our 4th roommate moved in. We were able to talk you “down” into only raising our rent to $4100/month. Yup. $4100/month for a 3 bedroom apartment with no parking in the Sunset. An apartment which you rent out now to new residents at $3600/month as a 4 bedroom again per the craigslist ad.
Let’s not discuss that.
Let’s discuss the fact that you refused to schedule a walkthrough exit of the apartment for us during the last week of our residence there.
Let’s talk about the fact that my husband and I paid an additional $400 of our own volition to pay for a professional cleaning service to come in to address any cleaning issues to the Apt to refute any future claims of cleanliness status.
Let’s talk about the fact that you told your daughter Janice who told us two contrary pieces of information on when new residents would move in and therefore we scheduled cleaners to come into the apt to detail the apartment to absolute impeccable quality.
Let’s talk about the fact that you decided to charge us, therefore, for 3 extra days of rent from our security deposit and a portion of the most recent water bill without showing us a copy of the water bill and did not communicate or tell us any of this and we had to find out through the rental agent today.
That’s just plain fucking Bullshit.
My husband and I are cheerfully now out of having to have any horrific contact with you any further and we plan to keep it that way.
But let me say that I hope, you awful miserable stingy bitch, that Karma kicks you in the ass.
Fuck you.
Thankfully no longer your tenant,
MJ Kim
In General, Pregnant Lady TMI on
19 November 2008 with 5 comments
In the spirit of overshare, here’s the latest:
Timeline: Week 13
Bump: Light
Giggle Activity: Felt a flutter/flip of the kid earlier in the week
Cravings: None.
Digestion:
- So constipated that I feel like I’m literally full of shit.
- No appetite. Nothing’s coming in until this shit is out.
- Gas levels are lethal. But intermittent.
- Gurgling is very mild/moderate
- Bladder has become the size of Barbie’s tea cup.
Playtime:
- “Wow. I have cleavage. WTF.”
- ”Um. When did *those* change color
- Do NOT fr*cking accidentally bump them unless you really want a pregnant lady to slap you across the room. Sensitive as all hell.
- The funbags are making their transition into being feedbags. Uh. Great.
- The desire for intimacy has been absolutely supplanted with the desire for a satisfying bowel movement.
Miscellaneous:
- For whatever reason I’ve grown a few dark hairs around my belly button. My belly button now looks like a 15 year old trying to grow out his first mustache. This has been promptly shaved for being absolutely gross.
- Skin feels dry and itchy. Overtime on the moisturizer.
- Sleeping solid and mostly comfortably.
Mood/Psychology:
- Oh, you mean the hicupping histerical weeping during the last 10 minutes of watching The Notebook until my eyes and face are puffy red and swollen and then calming down and giggling immediately after being brought a cookie?
- Or you mean the rage dreams where you replay confrontations with people where instead of taking the calm way out you wind up publically humiliating them in righteous fury that involves fantasy sequences of peanutbutter, red ants, and Betty White?
Overall Grade: B
In FoodyFoody, General on
19 November 2008 with 2 comments
And for the first time in several years I am officially being shoo’ed out of the kitchen and have no part in feeding my various friends and collaborating mischief makers. This is one of my biggest regrets around leaving SF this year and it hurts a little to be so far from my friends and make-shift family for whom I’ve grown to love and laugh with over the years.
So with little recourse than to send psychic hug vibes to all friends and family near and far, I am compiling my fave thanksgiving recipes in one place for my friends.
Enjoy.
MJ’s Awesome Pumpkin Curry Soup
- 1 Can Pumpkin
- Equal parts Vegetable Broth & Water (2 cups each)
- Golden Curry Mix (Spicy) (4 -5 “mini blocks”)
- Honey (1/4 -1/2 cup)
- Salt
- Nutmeg (1 tsp)
- Ground Clove (1 tsp)
- Cinnamon (1 tsp)
- Curry Powder (4 tsp)
- Cornstarch
- Sour Cream and Fresh Chopped Cilantro to Garnish
Again, I don’t really measure things and depending on how much you’re making and your personal tastes, you can always tweak this recipe to your liking.
These are my base ingredients.
First off, I put the vegetable broth & water in a big pot and bring it up to medium/high.
I then chop up the curry mix to make it super quick/easy to dissolve and toss into the water.
Add in the honey, and spices (except the salt) and the cornstarch (dissolved in cold water first, of course).
The baseline consistency should be of a thin curry … like of a nice creamy tomato soup.
Bring to quick boil and skim off the foam. Bring down to a medium/medium low heat.
Then you crack open and toss in the Pumpkin. Not pie filling, just 100% pure pumpkin.
You go from a funky green/brown color to a beautiful mellow orange.
At this point, taste & tweak the seasoning to add salt, and if necessary, continue to thicken just a little bit. Sweet tooth? A touch more honey. Ideally, you hit a nirvana point of it being more curry spicy and pumpkin rich. The point of the soup by itself is that it *should* be very strong in curry taste. That’s why you don’t serve it by itself.
Right before you serve, you pull out your fresh cilantro and sour cream. Whip up the sour cream just a little bit. Chop roughly your cilantro. Right before serving, sprinkle your fresh cilantro on the top and add a dollop of sour cream to the center. Serve while toasty warm.
Go Yum.
Tomato Basil Happy
- Ripe Heirloom Tomatoes
- Sea Salt
- Fresh Basil sliced in a Chiffonade
- Fresh Mozzarella
- Rice Vinegar
- Olive Oil
- Balsamic Vinegar
- Crackers or lightly toasted bruschetta
- Black Pepper
In small bowl mix 3 tablespools olive oil, 1 table spoon good balsamic vinegar, 1 teaspoon rice vinegar, salt & pepper to taste.
Layer sliced cheese on crackers or bruschetta and then layer thing sliced tomatoes
Brush or drizzle dressing over tomatoes
Sprinkle with fresh basil and serve
Kimchi Jjigheh a la Min Jung
- 1 Jar of sour old Kimchi (the more sour, the better)
- Pork Shoulder cubed
- Extra Firm Tofu cubed
- Onion chopped
- Gochujjang (Korean spicy bean paste)
- Gochugaru (Krazy korean spicy red pepper)
- Summer squash cubed
- Rice wine vinegar
- Sesame Oil
- Bacon Chopped
- Butter
- Salt
- Pepper
- Brown Sugar
Unfortunately I’m not supplying any measurements here because it always varies depends on how much kimchi I have left so you just have to juggle and balance it out yourself. When in doubt start off in an extra large pot and add/balance as you go along.
Medium Heat: Brown pork with salt and red pepper flakes with chopped onion until onions are transparent and pork is browned on all sides.
Drain oil well.
Add Kimchi to pot with pork and onions, squash, bacon and tofu with enough water to cover. Set to boil and once at boil, reduce to medium simmering heat to cook through. 1-2 tablespoons of gochujang to add heat.
Skim oil from pork fat off.
Add a couple of tablespoons of brown sugar to balance the sour of the kimchi and add 1 tablespoon of butter and splash of sesame oil to balance/mellow flavors.
If you want more sour add vinegar. Less sour, balance with small amounts of butter & brown sugar.
Simmer until cooked through and flavors have mellowed.
You may question to logic behind removing one form of fat and adding back another form of fat to this recipe. Just trust me. It is the yum.
Serve with rice.
Kalbi (My Mom’s way)
Marinade
- Soy sauce (1 cup)
- Rice wine vinegar (1/4 cup)
- Sesame Oil (2 tablespoons)
- Brown Sugar (1/4 cup)
- Crushed Fresh Kiwi (1)
- Fine chopped garlic (4 cloves)
- Fine chopped onion (1 medium)
- Toasted Sesame Seeds (1 tablespoon)
- Chopped fresh green onions (2-3 stems)
Korean shortribs (4-6 lbs)
Mix marinade in large bowl or huge ziplock bag
Toss and mix thoroughly
Toss in shortribs.
Let marinade for 2-3 hours.
Grill, broil or panfry and serve.
Jjapchae - korean noodles.
There are no measurements because, frankly, I don’t really use them and if you want measurements you can find them in other recipes online.
Ingredients:
- Cellophane Noodles
- Onions
- Garlic
- Spinach
- Eggs
- Carrots
- Shitake Mushrooms
- Soy Sauce
- Sugar
- Sesame Oil
- Mirin
- Garlic Powder
- Salt & Pepper
- Sesame Seets
First Steps: Making the Eggs! - Whip them up. Fry in a non stick pan. Salt & Pepper to Taste and cut into thin strips.
Next up: Spinach. Sautte lightly in salt, pepper, & olive oil.
Next up: Carrots. Use a mandolin to cut into as thin slices as possible. Sautte lightly in salt, pepper, & olive oil.
Next up: Mushrooms and Onions: Slice into thin strips. Sauttee together and season with soysauce pepper and little olive oil. I use soysauce instead of salt here as Mushrooms tend to superabsorb flavors and seasonings and I have more control with soy sauce than salt for even distribution of yum.
Yes that’s a lot of olive oil from the sounds of it. But it’s not really. And it’s a healthy oil. So shut the fuck up.
Next up the Noodles. Boil per the directions on the package an then rinse in cold water and drain well. Put the noodles into an everyday pan. I have this one.
Toss and season on medium low heat with soy sauce, sesame oil, garlic powder, sugar, pepper, and Mirin.
And then!
OOhhhh
Put it all together.
And toss!
When presenting the final product, sprinkle sesame seeds on top.
In Pregnant Lady TMI on
9 November 2008 with 14 comments
It’s been over a month since I’ve last blogged anything and so I’m way over due.
The fact that my space key on the keyboard sticks and tendsnottoworkmakesitfeellikeeverythingisonebigrunonsentence.
Which isn’t really condusive to writing but I’ll make due.
So for those who missed various announcements before me and Squishy aka Dr. McnerdyNerdy aka the Hubbycakes left SF just a few weeks ago, I’ve started a new stint of clean living because I’m now, at this juncture, about 12 weeks preggers.
No caffeine, no booze, no cigarettes, no carbonated beverages, no sushi, no shellfish, no Desperate Housewives.
I’m talking totally and complete clean living. Whatever damage I’ve done to my body has been of my own volition in the past but I won’t have this kid, nicknamed “Giggle” be impacted at all by any choices that I make in consumption.
The kid, however, has some of his own ideas.
Giggle, in 12 weeks of being in-utero bundle of awesome, has clearly expressed some dietary preferences and opinions.
These are clearly influenced by the kid’s father who refers to”kilted man is human taco in wool shell”
Likes: Tacos, Doritos, Chocolate Icecream
Dislikes: Pretty much everything else.
Results: This week alone, I’ve consumed about 12 tacos. Homemade, at Reynas and even the Soft Tacos Supreme from Tacobell.
For those of you who know me, this is very unusual. I’m not the taco junkie my husband is. I don’t have company event Taco Tuesdays as an excuse to satisfy my guacamole and salsa habit. I’m a rice and meat grubbing gal who’s known as more of meat-tooth than a sweet-tooth and now I can’t settle in at night without a bowl of chocolate icecream. (I like Breyers.)
And I suppose it would be easier to handle this dietary adjustment if it would all stay down.
But alas no.
Nay.
Nix.
Nada.
I get the upchucks, near daily for the last 4 weeks. It happens not in the morning, but in the evening. Anytime between 7Pm and 3Am.
This has made it extremely difficult to manage social engagements, being out with friends, and trying to rally to find something that doesn’t smell like belly-acid-taco-choc0late-souffle-a-la-toilet-bowl that also doesn’t make me look unseemly with the belly sticking out.
Things that are most iritating about the evening sickness:
- The Smell. The taco/chocolate combo isn’t the worst while going down. But imagine it coming back up… and then…wait. pardon me a sec. Bathroom break.
- The Visuals. It really isn’t pretty. I’ll spare you a photo.
- The Splashback. On your face, clothing, and etc. High velocity projectile vomiting has quite a surprising radius of splashback.
- The irregularity of it. Unpredictable and a tremendous social hamper that makes you just wanna stay at home.
- The inability to medically address it. NO MEDS.
So yeah. Not the most fun, but I’m pretty sure that Giggle will be worth it.
Or I shall make him/her pay with guilt trips the rest of his/her life over the agony and inconvenience of it all. (I jest!)
In General on
22 September 2008 with 1 comment
It’s the most important independent Asian American identity film of 2008.
Watch & Digg it here.
In General on
15 September 2008 with 1 comment
Something like 10 years ago my adventure in blogging started. I blame Ernie mostly and other regular writers in the APA linkrings (remember those?) who, at the time, encouraged my willingness to rant about things stupid, have occasional anthropomorphic conversations with bodyparts, eviscerate the previous night’s date, or wax giddy and silly about the latest ridiculous conversation I’d had with my Daddy.
Way before even RiceBowl Journals as big as it is.
It was this experience in blogging and learning my voice that I started writing more regularly and secured myself even a few regular writing gigs where I got to rant about things stupid…etc…etc.. to a larger audience. This confidence in writing encouraged me to submit some writing several years ago to Kearny Street Workshop and their APAture festival.
Well shut my mouth, I was selected to participate and read for the very first time in front of a live audience.
This was in 2001 and immediately after the insanity that was my European adventure and short term stay with Parisan Nuns following 9/11.
It was a crazy nervous thrill to be in front of an audience. Something that I still get shivers up and down my spine over.
And it’s happening again. This Sunday.
You see, not too long after I’d started blogging, I attended and helped out with my friend Derek’s Fray Day performances in both San Francisco & Austin as part of SXSW. I thought it was pretty cool.
And then, invited by Locus Arts to brainstorm on an event that focused on new media/digital media and bloggers, I melded what I knew and enjoyed from the blogosphere and the APA arts community and started up LapPOP.
LapPOP! was created in October 2005 as a way to get great Asian American bloggers and the APA arts community to mash it up.
In that “You got your chocolate in my peanut butter. You got your peanut butter on my chocolate.” kind of way. You know. Two great tastes that taste great together.
An intersection between geekery, personal expression, and pop culture. We’ve had some fabulous folks perform in the past and have brought a few veterans and some new folks to perform at this 4th LapPOP! as part of APAture’s 10th year anniversary.
This is my way of saying thanks for everything coming full circle and a way for me to say farewell to the APA arts community and some friends in San Francisco before my hubbycakes and I also move to Seattle next month.
I hope you’ll come.
| Date: |
Sunday, September 21, 2008
|
| Time: |
12:30pm - 3:30pm
|
| Location: |
Theatre Rhinosaurus
|
| Street: |
2926 16th St
|
| City/Town: |
San Francisco, CA
|
|
|
LapPOP! - a afternoon showcase of performance, readings, film and whatnot from notable APA bloggers and artists.
An intersection between geekery, personal expression, and pop culture.
Guest MC & Curator of Lap-POP! is Min Jung Kim of www.minjungkim.com
Featured Performers
Eric Nakagawa Co-Founder http://www.icanhascheezburger.com
Kari Unebasami Co-Founder http://www.icanhascheezburger.com
Ernie Hsiung, Writer http://www.littleyellowdifferent.com
Dino Ignacio, Artist http://www.dinoignacio.com
Annie Koh Writer http://www.undisclosedassociation.org
Hasan Minhaj, Comedian http://www.hasanminhaj.com
In APA, Elsewhere in the Bloggerati, General, Mischief & Events on
14 September 2008 with no comments
LapPOP! A blog showcase as part of APATURE!
Sunday September 21, 2008 from 12:30pm - 3:00pm
Theater Rhinoceros
2926 16th St
San Francisco, California 94103
Website: http://www.locusarts.org
Price: $8
LapPOP! - a night of performance, readings, film and whatnot from notable APA bloggers and artists.
An intersection between geekery, personal expression, and pop culture.
Guest MC & Curator of Lap-POP! is Min Jung Kim of www.minjungkim.com
Featured Performers
Eric Nakagawa Co-Founder http://www.icanhascheezburger.com
Kari Unebasami Co-Founder http://www.icanhascheezburger.com
Ernie Hsiung, Writer http://www.littleyellowdifferent.com
Dino Ignacio, Artist http://www.dinoignacio.com
Annie Koh Writer http://www.undisclosedassociation.org
Hasan Minhaj, Comedian http://www.hasanminhaj.com
Bios:
Ernie Hsiung - http://www.8asians.com http://www.littleyellowdifferent.com
Ernie Hsiung started out as a humor columnist for Asian-American Internet Webzine IIStix.com while a Computer Science and Engineering major at UC Davis. Since then, he blogs at his personal website, littleyellowdifferent.com, where he was nominated for a SXSW Web Award in 2001 and has won seven Weblog Awards (Bloggies) including Weblog of the Year, most humorous weblog and best GLBT weblog, been in a bunch of magazines, and hot-linked by Margaret Cho. (But that was ages ago.) He is also the editor of 8Asians.com, a multi-user blog catered to the Asian-American community.
Dino Ignacio - http://www.dinoignacio.com
Dino Ignacio is a multi-media artist specializing in insurgent propaganda. He is responsible for many unAmerican acts. Most notably for the creation of Bert Is Evil. He has worked in print, web, video and broadcast. He is currently working in the gaming industry.
Min Jung Kim - http://www.minjungkim.com
Min Jung Kim is a bay area writer, long time blogger, and humor columnist for anyone else foolish enough to pay her for her rants and musings. She has been a participant in the multiple award winning experiment Survivorblog and started her original effluvia of online writing at II Stix as a featured columnist and then her own column for KoreAm Journal. She has never won a bloggie award but she’s won two anti-bloggies for being “Most Stalkable” and “Most Frequently Late To Work”.
Annie Koh - http://undisclosedassociation.org
Grew up in the tough streets of the Chicago suburbs, hustling library books and Girl Scout cookies for a living, before falling in with a bad crowd at Kearny Street Workshop and Locus Arts and becoming an arts/nonprofit junkie. Annie now lives in Seoul, translating, editing, organizing Party Benefit & Jam, and pondering her masters thesis on
modern Korean history. Top secret project blog at
undisclosedassociation.org
Hasan Minhaj - http://www.hasanminhaj.com/
Hasan Minhaj is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor based in San Francisco, CA. He has performed at the Laugh Factory, Cobbs, Punchline, Improv, UCB Theater, and countless other venues. In 2004 he won Mr. India California, and went on to Mr. India America 2005 winning Mr. India West Coast. In the fall of 2006 he was a founding member of Gridiron Gang, UC Davis’ first standup comedy/sketch trio. He has recently been featured as an effinfunny.com ‘Comic to Watch’. He was a featured finalist in NBC’s Standup for Diversity, the nationwide search for the funniest comics of diverse backgrounds.
Eric Nakagawa - http://www.ericnakagawa.com/ http://www.ftwrnd.com
Eric Nakagawa is the co-founder of I Can Has Cheezburger? He is part of FTW R&D, an experimental internet company focused on building fun, collaborative websites and social communities that help participants have fun, feel good, and accomplish dreams.
Kari Unebasami - http://www.lulzftw.com http://www.ftwrnd.com
Kari Unebasami is an internet enthusiast and entrepreneur living and working in Honolulu. She is the co-founder of the lolcat megasite I Can Has Cheezburger? and is currently part of FTW R&D, a company trying to make The Internets a better place. She does not own a cat.
In General on
14 September 2008 with no comments
Yesterday I, like totally, made out with my honey at Coit Tower.
It was awesome.
In General on
13 September 2008 with no comments
So since Glenda and I talked about it a few days ago, I’ve started cranking through on a jumbled list of San Francisco things that just had to be done again before leaving town and got some other great ideas from other friends in the meantime.
Yesterday I managed to:
- Explore the SF Botanical Gardens and experience a perfect moment of walking by and looking at a beautiful tree from New Zealand just as Flight of the Conchords “You’re so Beautiful….like a tree” came up on my Itouch.
- I also crushed a leaf of pineapple sage between my fingertips for the heady smell.
- Ride on the N-Judah and observe the characters there.
- Walk through the Civic Center Plaza and UN Plaza looking and various imported Tibetan Goods.
- Observe a Peace Rally in front of City Hall.
- Sat in SF’s great main public library which has an extensive AV library and a surprisngly large section on graphic novels and manga.
- Walk along market street. Even the somewhat seedy parts towards the Financial District.
- Noted that “Secrets” The adult novelties store on Market next to the Warfield Theater pumps out a lot of Vivaldi. I think that means that they’re classy.
- Sat in the grass for a little bit in Yerba Buena Gardens. (Note, just earlier in the day I’d actually gotten to see what a Yerba Buena plant looks like)
- Took a good long look at the Keith Haring sculpture by the Moscone Center
- Had a beer with 2 good friends at Petes Tavern
- Discoverd the “South Beach” Shoreline of 1852 along King Street.
I’m still trying to figure out what’s on the list for today but I think I’m off to a good start in re-exploring and remembering SF.
In General on
12 September 2008 with 7 comments
Wondering when this writing block/hump/mental constipation episode will finally be gone and I’ll have better access to my own voice again.
So many things seem like they’re pending.
Or just…. requiring a landmark milestone to trigger.
Maybe it’ll all square itself away when I move to Seattle.
Oh.
Yeah.
I’m moving to Seattle with my husband next month.
Which means about just under 45 days of being in San Francisco and doing lots of things San Franciscan.
There’s a few things that I’ve done that makes me feel better that I”ve plowed through this past week or so.
- Spoonful of Happiness from Koo
- Spun the wheel and ate the icecream from Pollyann (I got Yuba flavor btw)
- 49 Mile scenic route of San Francisco
- Cruise through Muir Woods
- Driven down to Santa Cruz to listen to the ocean crash endlessly on miles of moonlit beach and rocks.
- Stop at Twin Peaks for the view
- Stop and peep at the Bison in GG Park
There’s a bunch more that I need to do.
- Ride a Trolly
- Walk up the steps to Coit Tower
- Have a cappucino at Cafe Trieste
- Attend service at Grace Cathedral
- Sit in City Lights Bookstore
- See the SF Zoo(which I’m doing with friends later in the month)
- Stroll through the DeYoung Museum
If you were me what else would be on the list?
Do you want to do these things with me?
In General on
29 August 2008 with 9 comments
Clearly, 3 years since, this post is overdue for a refresh. So here goes.
Lifecycle of Bloggers
Having blogged in one form or fashion for the last 6 9 years or so (not including personal journals that I’ve written in, on paper even, with crayon even, since I was six years old), allow me to personally provide you with a rundown on the lifecycle that I’ve observed from personal bloggers.
1. Start reading blogs.
You start out as a lurker and by either having met a blogger or run across an intriguing and challenging post from someone else’s blog, you start mulling about in your head for either a forum for response, challenge, or agreement. And at this point, you’re really F*ing tired of hearing what they’re talking about on the Daily Show, or in the NYTimes for “Latest cool authors” with blog turned book deals or author turned blogger deals or winding up Dancing with the Stars.
You *could* start by commenting on other folks blogs first, but you start having a gradually increased desire for a space of your own.
Like when you’re living in your parent’s basement and the rest of your friends are making weekly trips to Home Depot and using words like “mulching”. You begin to wonder if you want to belong.
At this point, if you haven’t started or killed a blog off 3 times in a row by now, you’ve finally returned to human society after having been a)abducted by aliens, b)escaped from a macrobiotic polygamous cult, or c)been released from GITMO. Regardless, you acknowledge that you are overdue and scramble to find something to blog about.
Surely if everyone else is able to be so gawd-damn-interesting then surely you must too.
2. You start a blog.
Maybe at first it’s on blogspot or livejournal. You start writing about cheese sandwiches. Or you repost Lolcats.
You use your full name and the full names of your friends that are involved in your occasionally mischievous exploits. These things satisfy you. Hubris starts taking a more significant part of your site as you develop your tiny homestead online. The notion of fleshing out your online personality becomes important.
You consider your blog brand to be a potential asset in all your future professional/personal ventures and wonder if maybe you can find fame and fortune as a professional blogger expert in something. The idea of registering http://www.iamsmarterthanyouintheobscureorsemimadeupsubjectofdutchamishbehavioralpsychologyandbrandbuilding.com comes across your dreams more than once.
3. You become a stats whore and widgets junkie.
Daily stats/referrals and meme participation for webrings, quizlists, personality profiles, and the occasional sepia toned webcam photo to make you look all “emo” and “sultry” and “sensitive” or at least a little bit thinner. And definitely like a Kpop music video still image.
You voraciously groom your links list as you build a posse. The wishlist makes it’s initial appearance and creepy strangers start sending you gifts when your birthday comes around. You consider this slightly weird, but hey, then again, you *did* get that Star Wars Box set that you always wanted. You *start* memes just for the additional traffic. Perhaps you even start a webgame of sorts.
You actively seek out the latest/greatest widget or adjunct blog identity addons for your blog. Twitter, Pownce, Jaiku, Plurk.
A Digg & Delicious link aggregator. A Friend feed publisher. Linked In. Plaxo. An Oath/OpenID broadly distributed commenting and community something or other and some other uberbeta pretty frosty pastel application blog widget addon thingie thing that breaks only every other day and leaves a gaping gash of error messages across areas of your blog.
Of course you wind up blogging about your technical challenges and why this ap or that sucks and fails you and whine about your experience across every social network tool and website including Get Satisfaction. This of course doesn’t mean that you actually ever contacted customer support directly with an email. EVAR.
4. You become really personal on your site as the online and real-life worlds start confusing you.
As you recognize the possibility of being an opinion leader in your personal circle, people flame you. You occasionally flame back. You cry about comments that certain people make to provoke you. You bitch about these things as well. Then you take into consideration that comments were made by pimply 14 year olds who post jpegs of their warcraft characters online and realize that these lOZeRs aren’t worth your time. This gives you an sense of superiority. Haha! you say to yourself. I have a posse and a blog and you don’t. So fuck off, you lame twat. Hazzah!
It becomes really clear that you can punish ex’es either professionally or personally for your blog.
That jackass that borrowed your red swingline stapler at your office is so going to get a fucking pixel-full with the rant that you feel absolutely justified in posting on your site. Or worse, some really offensive mashup. (Of course complying where possible with Creative Commons)
And that person who sold their competing blog to AOL on Welsh cognitive behavior and social media marketing is your new blog nemesis. Bastard. That should have been you.
You make yourself stalkable with public location-based gizmos like Upcoming.org, Plazes, and Brightkite. Because, oh yeah, the IRL space for connecting with other digital people is so desperately appealing.
Honestly, no one cares that you’ve geo-tagged that photo of your epic toilet and published in on Flickr but you do.
5. You faux “retire” from blogging.
Having temporarily exhausted the emotional reservoir from which your personal blog has sprung forth, you post about retiring. Or a vacation. Or a hiatus. Or a sabbatical. You say this will be permanent. Or last a month.
You divert all your attention instead to managing your other distributed online identity homesteads. Your Facebook profile gets updated, you post video entries on the latest video ap flavor of the month. And you still go to blog-related meet-ups.
With enough personal resolve, you even revisit your Reunion.com and Classmates.com profiles to see who those 32 former classmates are that are looking you up. And then realize these are the same folks you’ve avoided accepted reconnection requests from on Facebook. Twice.
6. You cave back into blogging in less than 72 hours.
You candy pants blogging crack addict.
7. You decide to “get serious” about blogging.
You seek out “The A-List” of bloggers and start reading more of them, and news about them, and news about blogging in general. You come to the conclusion that if you ever hope to join their rank, then you need to at least register your own domain. After all, http://candypantsnewbiebloggeraboutcheesesandwhiches.blogspot.com will not get you linked by Kottke.
GoDaddy makes a mint off of you as you register an endless possibility of derivative blog urls and spellings.
http://www.dutchamishandyou.com
http://www.behavioralamishmarketing.com
http://www.brandbuildingamongthosewhoeschewbuttons.com
http://www.youthinkbeingamishiwouldnthaveawebsite-fooledyou.com
http://brandbuildingamongthebehavioraltippingpointofwtf.com
http://socialmarketingandwhythatwelshguysucks.com
Clearly, after having read so many blog posts and rap videos on successful SEO, you have done your work well.
8. You have a pseudo flirty im/blogging/flickr/facebook flirting relationship with another blogger whom you have never met.
This will likely end badly. Very badly.
And will be all over the twitterverse and blogosphere. You receive and obscene number of consolatory messages from friends the moment that your Facebook status changes.
Lolz Sorry.
It *almost* but not quite makes you want to attempt to update your Myspace profile.
You’re already in pain. Why hurt yourself even further with that projecct.
9. You decide that you must meet other bloggers.
SXSW seems like a good way to go about it.
Or at any of the “inserttheweb2.0buzzwordofthenanosecond”-Camps that are in your local city.
Or finding any excuse possible to move to San Francisco. At least a trip, after all. With a visit to SF, meeting other “celebrity” bloggers is just as tasty a tourist destination as going to Fisherman’s Wharf. Or more so. Definitely more so. Your blogroll grows threefold.
10. You take a step back and metablog about blogging and what blogging has done about your blogging.
You become pedantically navelgazingly annoying. For some reason, your blogger readership eats this shit up. This does not convince you, however, that you want to do something silly like smoke weed with Marc Canter. Or have sex with Nick Douglas. Because even *you* know that’s a bad idea.
11. See step 5.
Shampoo, rinse, repeat.
12. You decide that as a result of step 10 and having repeated step 5 more than 3 times in the course of your lifecycle as a blogger, that you need to sanitize or reinvent your blog.
You purge or hide archive entries and take more note to remove full names of your friends/crushes/accidentaldrunkenfondels from your site and links list. Your blog goes back to cheese sandwiches. But this time your site validates. You even have your XFN and Microformats cleaned up.
You still weep a little because Google still finds everything. EVERYTHING. This makes you want to use Yahoo for searches a little more often, but even you realize that’s pretty stupid.
13. You either lose your job because of blogging, are afraid of losing your job for blogging, or join a company that builds blogging too
Either way, your blog either dies a horrible painful death, or becomes significantly less personal to the degree of trite and uninteresting compartmentalization or subject matter discretion.
OR you date a high profile blogger and feel paranoid that the personal or professional fans of that high-profile blogger will leach into finding some reason to hate you. You’ve seen “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and frankly you have no talent for puppets or piano.
OR you find it slightly awkward that your previous manifestos on wrestling in canola oil are being found and read by your inlaws.
OR you twitter so regularly about cheese sandwhiches that it feels enough like blogging that you’ve gotten over your desire to blog.
OR you get a book deal.
Fuck you, welshy social media expert.
14. You decide to start an anonymous livejournal blog.
Here is where you still talk about your crushes, the he said/she said crap, and that you really really really really really really really like Kanye West. You could totally write an awesome blog post about it. Or a video. Or a Podcast. Or a twitter. Oh wait, someone else already did.
In General on
26 August 2008 with no comments
I Can Has Cheezburger - http://www.lulzftw.com
Originally uploaded by minjungkim.
I must say that this is seriously the most fun work project I’ve had in *For* EVAR*
Loving every moment of working on this!
The book is currently available for pre-order at retailers like
www.amazon.com,
www.barnesandnoble.com
www.borders.com
For updates follow
@lulzftw on Twitter or watch for updates on the http://www.lulzftw.com
In the meantime, grab the badge!
the lolcat book
In General on
13 August 2008 with 1 comment
I’ll be at Wordcamp! Will you?
I’ll be helping out with the conference and the Wordpress Charity Scavenger Hunt for 826 Valencia the next day.
Who’s around?
In General on
1 August 2008 with 1 comment
This article about going a month without plastic is inspiring and horrifying at the same time.
Read it and think hard about day to day decisions.
